i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
