And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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