she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You smell like stripper and shame
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
