were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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