Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
