idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
