wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
