After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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