babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
