god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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