You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
