Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
