Kiss
Puke
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
