I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
