It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
