the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
