I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
