im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
