I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
