What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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