Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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