I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
