I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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