"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
