first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
