When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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