its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
