hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
