I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
