i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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