I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
