I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
