The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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