OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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