I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
