I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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