Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She is in my trunk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
