FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
