You work out of a Hotel?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
