omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
