I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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