the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
