the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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