ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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