I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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