dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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