so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
