ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
