I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
