Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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