...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
